Family Support - For the loved ones of a recovering addict
Usually by the time we get our loved one into addiction treatment we are pretty much finished with all the drama and heartache that they have caused us. We want to love them but it seems that everything we try just makes the situation worse. They continually promise us things that they never follow through with so why would this treatment program be any different?
As you already know there are no guarantees for their willingness to stay once they have arrived. We can tell you that the percentages weigh in favor of them staying and doing the program far more positive than not. The question is can you dare to hope, one more time? Then the next question is what do you have to do that will help and not impair them?
What we offer here at Above It All is family counseling with the entire family while your loved one is in treatment. This counseling is with a licensed therapist and the support can be provided as easily as a three-way or even four-way phone call. Through this venue you will be able to hear what your loved one is experiencing and you will be able to hear for yourself the changes that are taking place in them. Then you can decide for yourself whether you dare to hope again. This phone call or an in person session can happen as much as once a week, but it is always considered what is best for the client first.
The most productive thing you can do for them is to do for yourself a simple recovery principle; that is for you to make Al-Anon meetings in your area. In these meetings you will find people of like mind and problems, and they have solutions. What it is, is the spiritual principle that is involved with all recovery; that is that when we get ourselves better the people around us get better. This is sometimes a problem for the family because they feel that their loved one is the one with the problem so why should they have to make meetings also. The reality is that your loved one has spent most of their life in selfishness and self centeredness and they usually get just as selfish in the recovery; where they used to spend all their time in the bars and dope houses, now they spend all their time in the rooms of recovery and with alcoholics and drug addicts that are clean. Living with a person with an addiction problem takes considerable work on them family's part and this is true even though they are in recovery.
It sometimes takes many years for the trust to be repaired that was so brutally shattered. The thing to watch for is your loved one's dedication to the 12 step meetings after they have returned home. If they show a willing to commit to the rooms of recovery it is a good sign that they will do the things that they need to do to stay clean and sober. On the other hand, if they won't go to meetings and do not do anything positive everyday for their recovery you will know that they very probably will not stay clean long. A total life change is what is necessary for them to stay clean and sober and that will be evident in their actions toward their recovery and toward you. It is prudent to be observant.
Your loved one may claim that they cannot stay clean and sober unless all their material needs are answered and they will want money from you. The rule is to not give them any more than you can afford to lose. They want to do good but may not have the tools yet to do it. We are not talking about withholding love, it is just the contrary, we love them enough to not help them to hurt themselves. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states that the Spiritual always precedes the physical, never in reverse. What this means is that if your loved one is doing the things that they need to do to stay sober then they will, sooner usually than later, come in to the want to take care of their financial responsibilities.
What is asked of you is to trust the process of recovery, sometimes quickly sometimes slowly, your loved one will return to you as long as they do the simple things that it takes to stay clean and sober; that is to clean up the wreckage of their past and to practice spiritual principles in all their affairs.
We here at Above It All will always be available to you should you need our help. We are here to support the family of the addicts and abusers. Please to not hesitate to call if you see trouble on the horizon. We have been known to fly across the entire country to help. We love, we hope for you.
Call our Admissions Only Hotline at or send us an email at info@aboveitalltreatment.com
